total-plastics-rochester-hills- - Yahoo Local Search Results

Hiya folks, first super personal post here. Pretty long but i keep running into posts (not necessarily here in this sub but all over the place) made by people who dont have a lot of hope or are struggling with mental illness, poverty, debt, abusive relationships, family trauma, suicidal thoughts/ideation, etc. I wanted to share some of my story to perhaps give those who relate a little hope. Im not going to claim that this story will change your life or fix you, but ive found that telling my story has been inspiring to friends and others who were dealt similar hands in life. Its also pretty therapeutic for me to write about it and ive been working on a memoir that will go WAY more into detail...whenever i manage to finish it. I can promise you that it's probably more engaging than this post will seem because if i focus on detail ill just write WAY too much, and this post is going to be longer than i intend, anyway.
I figured this subreddit would be most appropriate because its just a story about myself and im not here to claim that i can cure your depression or offer sound financial advice. Maybe hoping that this story will offer some relief between the things you read of all that's wrong with the world or distract you from what's bothering you in your life at this moment. Whatever it may be, i just hope this makes you feel something positive.
I (F, but i now identify as agendenonbinary) was born in Rochester Hills, MI, to my parents who moved to a tiny rural town called Memphis after my mom became pregnant with my sister 3 years later. While i was in kindergarten, my parents divorced and my mom tried to make it look like my dad beat her (she had my friends mom hit her a few times). I remember standing in the kitchen against the oven during their last argument while married. My mom wouldnt let up on hitting my dad in the face. He didn't reciprocate with violence, he just begged her to stop. Of course, who would listen to a 5 year old who was terrified of her mother? I had no idea what to do.
Shortly after--and i mean, VERY shortly, within weeks--of separating from my father, my mother got with a man who would become my step father and id end up with 2 more brothers within the next 6 or 7 years. Thinking back on it now, it flew by in this whirlwind of rapid change. I had no choice but to focus on school and adjust.
In that time, life began to gradually get worse. I have a lot of nasty stories, but that's what my memoir is for; for now, ill just summarize the best i can: it was uncommon to come home from school and go to my room or try to play video games or go outside or draw without getting screamed at directly by my mother. It would be a relief to come home and hear my mother screaming and crying for hours at my step father instead, just because id be able to go to my room and read or draw or listen to music. God forbid i ask to hang out with a friend, though. I was rarely ever allowed to leave the house.
The downside of that path, though, was that they would fight and fight and yell for hours into the night. I never remember sleeping restfully as a kid. If it was the weekend and they were arguing, i dreaded my step father leaving because my mother would wake us up in the middle of the night, throw us in the van, DRIVE to his shop (he owned a metal fabrication company that made parts for the auto industry or whoever needed them, it was small at the time), and leave us in the car for hours while they fought. Regardless of winter or summer. We were so young--i remember this happening until i was 10 or 11, too young for my mom to feel okay leaving me at home in charge of my siblings, meaning my sister was 7, my brother was 2, and the youngest probably wasnt born yet--so we didnt know what to do other than cry or scream to go home while we waited in the car.
I dont remember my mother holding a job while i lived under her after she divorced my father. She DID bring me to work on that "bring your kid to work day" one year when i was just a tot, but just vaguely. She worked full time as a customer service rep for a big bank at that time. I dont know what happened that ended her employment exactly, but I think she stopped working because she just wanted to be a stay at home mom, especially since she wanted a bunch of kids. I dont judge her for that, especially since my step father could afford it and they had the same dream of wanting a family. (Note: my step father wasnt wealthy, but he made enough to build a family with just his income.)
I dont remember life between the ages of about 7-13 in much detail other than it was extremely and constantly miserable, aside from more disturbing or unsettling stories. One, for instance, is pretty short but repetitive: some nights my mother would take us to a sketch part of some city and leave us in the car for what felt like forever. In one particular instance, it was somewhere in Mt Clemens and when she returned to the car, my sis and i had been crying the entire time. She told us "Come on, its okay. I was just visiting my doctor for some medicine." In the middle of the night. Later on, id find out that she struggled with extreme addiction to crack, heroin, meth, alcohol, prescription drugs...you name it. She did anything and everything she could get her hands on. Except cigarettes, and she told me many times that she would disown me if i ever "picked up smoking like your asshole father." I smoke almost a pack a day, now. Ha.
My mother had a miscarriage before my first brother was born. It was the result of some multiple days-long argument with my step father, and i wouldnt doubt it if it involved substance abuse beforehand, but im not going to accuse that as fact. I remember her saying at some point during that time that she didnt want to give him a child. Sure enough, an ambulance was called when she began to miscarry in the livingroom.
Some weeks, she would disappear. I remember feeling abandoned. She would never call us or tell us where she was going. Nothing. It was impossible for us to even tell when it was going to be one of "those" weeks. I was still within the age range where most of everything is blank, but i remember how it felt. I cried every night until she came back. Her disappearing acts never ceased. It became something we would deal with until we left in the middle of a night much later on.
I do remember the weekends id spend with my father. They were fun, warm, comforting, safe. It was a joint custody situation but i wasnt allowed to see him as often as i used to, after a few years. I would find out later that my mother became unreasonable and manipulated my father into fearing visits and it became such a huge pain to try and see us. It's complicated--his mother and his aunt worked with my father and tried to take my mom to court after noticing how unwilling she became to give us to him for his weekends, and it made things A LOT worse on him later on. I wouldnt see him for years, and was rarely ever allowed to call him. I wasnt given a cell phone until i was...16? And even then, my mother rarely allowed me to carry it. She would only give it to me if i was home alone. Note: the court system we have dealt with regarding my mother has always been adamant about giving her custody. More later on about that.
I start to remember life more vividly around the age of 13. She felt comfortable at this point leaving me at home in charge of my siblings if she had to go grocery shopping or run errands, or go to AA during the short periods of time when she wanted to try and sober up. She was a Christian and used to curse the Catholic church, but was inspired by my step father's side of the family to convert not just herself, but all of us. Of course, we looked like a big ole happy Catholic family on Sundays. A switch would flip when we were home and the chaos would resume.
Small backstory note that i think is relevant: she used to threaten me with harm as a child if i were to ever tell my dad about what went on at home (it doesnt help that she was MUCH stronger than i...she was ripped). She made sure to never give me contact info for my dad as i grew older because i started to resent her and become less intimidated as the years went by; however...during a short conversation with my cousin a long time ago, i asked for my fathers number and made sure to memorize it. I never wrote it down to save nor told anyone i had it. It was my secret. He lived Up North and the area code was so much different from all the numbers i was used to seeing that it was easy enough to recall. I put it away in my emergency brain file and never ever mentioned it to anyone.
Sometime during my early teenage years, she started getting into breeding horses, breeding dogs, fitness, volunteering at the church. She was sober for a very short amount of time, relatively speaking, and life improved. She was still moody and slept all the time but she didnt disappear as often. She was encouraged by my step father to seek mental help and she was diagnosed as bipolar (forgot which type). Later on we would find out that she was actually borderline. And instead of being honest with her doctors, she would use the newly-more-useful internet to research disorders that required benzos and mimic them to receive a false diagnosis annnnnnnnd binge on the pills. Find a new doctor, repeat. One doctor refused to give her benzos and instead gave her lamictal for her moodiness. She became irritated that she didnt feel "as grand" anymore and stopped taking it. As a result, her unpredictable moodiness and mania returned.
She didnt actually have much respect for animals despite her involvement with them: she was angry with a new horse for bucking her off of him WHILE she was DRUNK and punched the poor boy in the face. Thankfully he wasnt seriously injured, probably sore or bruised. Her hand became swollen and blue and unusable for a couple weeks. She did this in front of our neighbors who SWIFTLY raged about it and they refused to associate with her kindly afterward.
[I want to take a moment and say that im not writing this to talk down on people with BPD. This story should hopefully encourage those who may struggle with it (and other mental illness) to seek treatment or therapy whenever possible because the fate of my mothers life is a direct result of denying that she had BPD and refusing treatment for her mental illness, and hers was a pretty severe form of BPD, and it rapidly deteriorated her own and our quality of life. There are many other factors at play here outside of mental illness itself, but untreated severe BPD is a big one. I could get into a huge rant about her poor support system and poor mental health education too, things that were not her fault while growing up, but this is a long story so ill just stop there.]
While growing up into my teenage years, i didnt bother making loads of friends anymore because i didnt want to deal with teenage drama or dating or any of that stuff. Its not like i was allowed to hang out with my few friends often enough anyway, so i didnt see a point. There was the same group of people id sit with at lunch, but most of my time in school was spent reading, doing homework, sketching, writing. After a while i didnt even feel like doing those things, anymore. Eventually id stop talking about things i thought i liked. Whenever there was talk about going to college, or if someone asked what i wanted to go to college for, i didnt know how to answer. Blank. I hadnt considered college after high school because it felt like i wasnt going to make it that far. It's a feeling i still cant explain well, even after years of not experiencing it. My future didnt feel like it existed. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. It didnt feel like adulthood was going to be a thing for me to look forward to. I could never imagine myself driving my own car, i could never imagine myself going out with my own friends or coworkers, i couldnt imagine what I'd do for work. Never felt like id experience romantic love or have sex or kiss anyone or get married. The only thing i looked forward to was maybe getting an extra hour of sleep.
There were a couple of girls who made a valiant effort to stay in my life and theyre both still good friends of mine. Im very thankful for them. They were the ones who would offer to let me vent about my problems and would listen to me if i needed to cry. I only cried once in front of them at school, though. All the negative shit i was going through was usually stuffed away and i never made a big deal out of it.
After one instance of my mother returning after a two week binge, still weirdly out of it, she yelled at me about how much she hated having given birth to me, that i was the reason she had her problems and addictions, that everything would be fine if i didnt exist.
I didnt eat regularly after that. I didnt care much about how i looked or felt or doing anything at all, really. I only did my homework because it was a good distraction. Out of everything else sucking, my grades were usually really good. In my idle time I would sit outside on one of the swings we had near our little pond and just listen to music and try to imagine what it would be like to have peace and friends or someone finding value in me. I became unbearably lonely and sad. Of course, though, my mother never asked me how i was doing anymore and my step father and i didnt get along. He blatantly told me after arguing with my mother once that my sister and i werent technically his kids and he didnt want to be responsible for us.
I became so starved for positive interaction that i would browse around the primitive social media that was available at the time: neopets forums when i was a bit younger (lol), random forums about video games, anime and manga, books. I liked to play some video games but eventually stopped pursuing all of my interests around the same time, as i mentioned within the above paragraphs.
After i dropped everything, just one positive interest remained: music. I couldnt play an instrument (always wanted to, never was given the chance as a kid) and my mom told me i wasnt good at singing, so i just would go about my day, sitting or laying around, with my headphones on. During one of my mothers "good" moods she love bombed me and bought me an ipod for my birthday. I had no money for music so i learned about limewire and bearshare and eventually torrenting.
There is a band ive always really liked, ever since before i was a teen. I cant tell you which band and youll find out why later. Im not even going to tell you which genre. This musician is not famous but recognizable enough within the genre that my story may disrupt further whatever else he's dealing with as a result of events. Sorry. The tea is still a little too hot.
Anyway. When social media like myspace and livejournal picked up, i made accounts that i kept away from my mother. I never liked to use the computer while she was home because she was one of those parents who would stand over your shoulder. Not that i was doing anything weird, but it was unsettling and a total invasion of personal space ON TOP of all the shit she would put us through on a daily basis. I used to be self conscious about my writing because it made me feel vulnerable and, understandably, i wasnt ready to feel vulnerable. Instead, id just lurk around and read the writings of others. I was intrigued to find that my favorite musician kept a livejournal and a myspace and wrote often. I admired his writing and side projects as i stumbled upon them over time, so i would occasionally check up on whatever he was doing throughout the years, even presently.
His music got me through a lot of shit. I stumbled upon it myself, so it didnt have any attachment to a friend who isnt a friend anymore, no attachment to crushes who didnt talk to me, no heartaches or associations with negative events. His music was always a source of comfort or pleasant distraction and it has always stuck with me.
There of course were other artists i really liked whose music took me away from my chaotic reality, but i never grew away from his music like i did from others. In fact, one thing that i held onto to keep me going was the hope that id get to go to one of his shows, one day.
So! That was extremely important background info. Keep it in mind.
Onward. So, within the last couple years of highschool, i grew close with a new girl from a neighboring small town and my mother finally allowed me to hang out with her over the summer sometimes. I discovered that i fantasized about her sexually but denied that i was bisexual for a very long time because my mom expressed on many occasions that gay people are disgusting and i didnt want to add to my misery. This girl had similar problems in her life that i had: severe depression, hardly any will to live, enduring emotional abuse from family, mother is an alcoholic, etc. So to productively distract ourselves from our shitty existence, we popped painkillers and smoked weed and cigarettes and watched Aqua Teen HungerForce for like 4 days straight. We were both obsessed with being thin (she was a very pleasant shape: slim but curvy; i used to be potato-shaped) so we ate nothing the entire time.
I hated being sober afterward and it just so happened to be around the time i had to get all of my wisdom teeth yoinked out of my face. I was only 15 at the time but they were already coming in and caused me a lot of pain. I was given a giant supply of vicodin because the surgery was complicated and i was in pain for a couple weeks afterward. My sister also happened to need some painful dental work and she was given a bottle of straight up codeine syrup, which she never took.
Id spend that summer taking vicodin on bad days. Whenever my mom went to her random AA meetings, id drink some codeine and replace it with water and just pass out.
I dont know what happened, but i woke up one morning knowing that i had to sober up. It felt like something was going to happen so i needed to be alert and prepared. I reluctantly stopped taking the pills and codeine and my mom threw it all out shortly after anyway.
Fast forward to my senior year of highschool, beginning of the second semester. We were evicted from our childhood home while my step father filed for divorce. He found out that my mother was thrown in jail for drunk driving, breaking and entering, and possession and, apparently, if the divorce goes uncontested for about 30 days it makes the divorce much easier on the plaintiff. So, he took the opportunity to file while she was in jail. By some bullshit miracle, the judge was touched by her fake sob story and sentenced her to jailtime on the weekends and random drug testing, and he released her a couple weeks after she was detained. During that time, i ignored her phone calls because i didnt give a shit if she rotted.
When i saw her strut out of the house to greet us as we got off the schoolbus, my heart dropped.
We moved into a weird trailer park in Anchor Bay, about 30-40 mins from my hometown. I did acquire a boyfriend through my pill-popping friend that year after he basically bullied me into dating him. I took advantage of the situation at the sacrifice of my boundaries to befriend his family and tell them about the shit my mom put me through. My boyfriends ways of courting me were very problematic and it wasnt a GREAT relationship, but i was not in danger at that time and he did not treat me badly...surprisingly. Besides, we were young and i had no reference for what a healthy relationship looked like.
During the move, my mother let one of our german shepherds freeze to death. She left her outside in her small kennel without much protection from the cold and snow other than a plastic igloo-shaped dog house with hay in it. I watched in horror as my mother dragged the frozen body to the woods behind our house.
At our trailer, we had no furniture. My mother slept on her own mattress. My brothers slept on an old mattress that was stained and smelled of piss. My sister and i did not have a bed. We slept on the carpet for 5 months.
We dragged ourselves through school somehow until May, about one month before my 18th birthday. I made one friend there whom i only sometimes interact with on facebook these days.
One monday night, i approached my mother's room to ask if i could see my boyfriend that upcoming weekend. The light was on, but she wasn't in there. I realized i hadnt heard from her all day. I checked the driveway and the car was gone.
My siblings and i stayed home from school the next day. I told my step father that mom was gone and he picked up my brothers to watch after them until she returned. No word from her until Wednesday. When she called the landline from a 313 number, i snapped at her and told her to come home or i was going to call the cops. She handed the phone to her DEALER, who "reassured" me that my mother was safely smoking crack in the front yard. I remember being so angry and told her to have my mother home by 2 AM or i was calling the police.
2 AM: no mom.
Shortly after calling the police, i received a call from a new 313 number. It was my mother, who sweetly asked if i called the cops already because she was only a few miles away. I told her to shove her lies up her ass because if she were that close she wouldnt have made the effort to call. Besides, the chance of her calling from a 313 number all the way out near where we lived was extremely unlikely. She swiftly called me every obscenity in the book. I hung up on her.
When the cops arrived, they took me into their car to talk with me. When they searched for one of my mother's multiple married names on their computer, they told me that she has been arrested multiple times for prostitution and possession in the past and asked if i knew about it. I did not.
I wouldnt have had an issue with her working as a prostitute if she was actually bringing home money with which to take care of us. I would learn that she was using the money to fuel her addictions.
When i went back into the house, the landline was ringing. It was the same 313 number and i almost didnt pick up. After a few more seconds of ringing, i answered. This time it was the owner of the cell phone. She asked me who i was and why the woman borrowed her cell phone. After i told the woman who we were, she implored me to get help because my mom was tweaking out and was soaked in her own menstrual blood. I asked her to speak with the police and she agreed.
The police advised that they cant pick up my mother (despite the fact that they were state boys) because she was in an extremely dangerous part of town. I cant recall the cross street, but when the woman said Gratiot...well, let's say i would later understand why the cops couldnt go there at this hour.
Ill shorten the story into a shorter summary at this point. If youre still reading, youre a trooper because i KNOW this is a long one.
That night i got ahold of my boyfriend's father (insomniac) and he sent his wife, daughters, and my boyfriend to pick up my sister and me. He told me to pack everything because we werent ever going back. I woke up my sis and we consolidated all of the things we needed into the kitchen. I had my first arrhythmic episode, which i had mistaken for a panic attack (i would later be diagnosed with AVNRT and received surgery in 2016).
Ill never forget the relief i felt when driving away from that house. I was free. We were free. For the first time in my life, i felt hope.
I recalled my father's phone number and hoped he would answer at 6am. Luckily he was getting ready for work so both he and my step mother were awake. I told him as much as i could and he stayed home from work that day as i talked to CPS and sorted out the situation with school. I had to talk to the social workers and tell them that we weren't returning to school for the rest of the year (thankfully only a month of it remained). Yadda yadda.
CPS implored my father to retreive both my sister and me and prepare to go to court. During that summer, i finally got to know my father. Unfortunately there were some complications winning full custody of my sister from my mother, but it happened. Damn court system.
Cops managed to pick up my mom. They called my father and notified us that she tested positive for Hep C. The rest of us got tested just to be safe. We're fine.
Over the next several years, id go to community college and earn 2 associates degrees in math and pre engineering, break up with my unhealthy first boyfriend, acquire a new bf for 5 years, get a full time job, manage to find SOME stability here and there but it was never for long. We moved around a lot: Ypsilanti, Detroit, Hamtramck, St Clair Shores, Sterling Heights. Id eventually break up with him and move into an apartment in Warren with a friend. I would go on to seek help for my own mental illness when i experienced my first full blown manic episode and was diagnosed with bipolar, type 1. Im still medicated and see a therapist regularly.
After adjusting to treatment, i fell in love with my hobbies and art again. I lost weight and got into damn good shape. Im pretty hot now, i guess. Self esteem keeps improving. Im confident. Usually sober but i still like smoking marijuana here and there. I dislike drinking.
I got sick of living in Michigan and moved to LA at the beginning of 2018. Within the last year: i found a great place to live with a load of cool roomies, my mental health improved dramatically, met an amazing woman who now calls me her partner, and...
...met my favorite musician. I actually met him. Not only that, oh no. He recognized me from the internet. Im guessing when i remade my Facebook profile and added him again, i caught his attention and he followed my stories everytime i posted them. I was kind of shocked to see his name under the "watched" list for those stories and brushed it off as an accident until his name started popping up under each and every one.
He made a great effort to befriend me after we met (it wasnt one-sided, i was more than happy to talk to him) and he would offer to help me with my memoir. We became close friends and i even bought him a birthday gift, which i sent directly to his address that he trusted me enough to give me.
He became my person for 3 months. Understandably, his wife became suspicious and i havent heard much from him since. I had no intention of stealing him away from her, but i guess his intentions differed from mine and he admitted this to me in one of the last messages i received from him. Still dont know how to feel about it. Please dont speculate because i cant go further into detail so youre not getting the entire story. This is the bare bones jist of it.
At the beginning of this year, i scored a much higher paying job and walked out of my old one the day i signed the offer letter. Took a two-week staycation and caught up on sleep.
Oh, and yes: as of the last year, ive managed to get restful sleep. Finally. After years of only 3 hours at a time. I can sleep. Downside: i get night terrors sometimes but not often, thankfully. Ill consider meds if they get worse. For now, its totally manageable. I was diagnosed with PTSD officially about 2 or 3 years ago.
I just celebrated my girlfriend's birthday with her and none of it feels real. But it is. I did it. Im alive and i can feel and i can love and i am loved.
I can sing well, turns out. I love karaoke. Still cant play an instrument, though.
Ten years ago, i thought i would be dead by now. Ten years. Sometimes i wonder if i DID actually die and im just living vicariously through someone else or if this is some kind of ideal afterlife.
...and then id have to get a root canal. Haha! Just got 4 of those nasty procedures done and still more needed. My teeth look nice but lots of complications thanks to weak enamel, malnutrition from when i was dealing with anorexia a long time ago, failing to floss while depressed for years, etc. Im definitely paying for it, now. Anyway!
Thats basically the guts of my story. I hope it was worth your time and that it made you feel something good.
Edit: by the way, this year is the 9th year i havent spoken or seen to my mother. Every year on my birthday since i left she finds my social media and sends a long message about how i should talk to her because she was a great mom and doesnt understand why i left like i did. I never respond and i just block her. Fucks me up for a few days but it has become easier over time. Shes totally detached from reality and i have no idea how shes still surviving.

I love reading everyone's breakdowns and recaps, so here's one about the recent bachelorette party I helped plan for my sister (I'm MOH) in the Finger Lakes wine region of central NY.
PLANNING
My sister is VERY organized, so she was involved in 95% of the planning. This is fine! If you're a planner bride and/or surprises make you nervous, tell your MOH or bach organizer that you want to be involved. My sister also has mobility issues, and she needs to plan ahead for getting around. So be mindful of a bride who has similar issues, has social anxiety, etc - bride involvement can alleviate these things. I think a lot of brides think they have to stay out of planning, but if your party planner doesn't know what you want, then you might end up disappointed - and she might feel bad because she didn't know how to please you.
On the flip side, if you're very chill and/or don't like planning, it's fine to say "do whatever you want" especially if your party planner seems happy to take charge.
GUEST LIST
At first, I thought my sister was insane for inviting 23 people. But in the end, we only had 9 ladies attend the bach (including my sister) - 5 of the people stayed overnight Friday and Saturday, and 4 of the people came for just daytime Saturday. We were going to have 10, but someone got sick at the last minute. 9 was actually a great-sized group. (BTW, my sister is 35 and has a lot of friends who are married, parents, and living out of town. If you're 24 and all your invitees live in town, a bachelorette of 23 people could get legit insane.)
If your main goal is to have the maximum people attend, choose cheaper things. You could always have just one party night instead of a weekend of activities if guests are local. Also be aware that if you give people options to only attend some of your bach activities, they will take you up on that to save money. Some of our guests left before dinner Saturday, for example. If it's going to make you sad to see people skipping out, you might need to pick a single activity or force people to go out of town.
COST
If you'd rather have a small group do more expensive things, that's fine too. If the bride has more money than some guests, she can kick in some costs herself. Tradition is that brides don't pay for bachelorette stuff, and it's one thing if guests are just buying a bride dinnedrinks. But my sis didn't want to ask guests to cover any of her costs. But brides and party planners can discuss what the bride will be expected to pay. Give guests an estimated cost of things so they can make an informed RSVP. Here's what I emailed people before I asked for their final RSVP:
For Fri & Sat overnight guests:

• Rental - $170 (total for both nights)
• Limo Bus - $75
• Ventosa lunch and wine tasting - $33
• Heron Hill tasting (optional) - $5
• Dinner and drinks at Twisted Rail - approx $25
• Drinks and snacks for house party - $10
• TOTAL = $318

For Saturday-only guests:

• Limo Bus - $75
• Ventosa lunch and wine tasting - $33
• Heron Hill tasting (optional) - $5
• Dinner and drinks at Twisted Rail - approx $25
• Drinks and snacks for house party - $10
• TOTAL = $148

We ultimately ended up not charging guests more when some people dropped out and group costs went up (like the limo). You can charge people for things ahead of time or just wait until after the weekend. We waited til after, but we also didn't have anybody we thought wouldn't pay.
RENTAL & LOCATION
We rented a VRBO in Canandaigua, NY (about 30 miles from Rochester). It was a unique old converted firehouse that served a good home base to visit wineries on both Canandaigua and Seneca Lakes. It was also walking distance to bars. We opted for the big in-town rental as opposed to a tiny lake cottage, because we originally thought we'd have more people staying overnight. I do not recommend renting a place with only one bathroom if you're going to have more than 4-5 overnight guests, and unfortunately most lake cottages I found only had 1 bathroom. In the end, our rental was a little pricey. The thing about small lake towns is that rentals book VERY far ahead of time. Start looking 5+ months ahead of time. Also, read cancellation policies! We didn't require our guests to RSVP Yes or No for sure until after our rental's refund cancellation window had passed, because we didn't want to be too pushy and then have more people say No. But if you are inviting a lot of people and really not sure on what your final head count will be, you might want to get all RSVPs before the cancellation window passes - then you could potentially cancel the big rental and get a smaller one, if avail. You could also consider renting 2 places and then cancelling one later, assuming you pick a place that allows a 100% refund. (Note: in a bigger cities, there are more rental options.)
DECOR
I brought a "she said yaas" banner from Etsy and another sign with our bach hashtag that I made myself with markers, paper and an old photo frame. Honestly, I probably didn't need to do any decorating at all.. We were away all day Sat, and we were more into taking photos at the wineries and in the party bus.
FAVORS
I gave everyone a TEAM BRIDE necklace from Party City, which people enjoyed, though the pink ones bled onto skin and clothes! Another bridesmaid and I had to wander through a banquet hall looking for a bathroom to scrub it off - luckily it came off (and came out of my dress in the laundry later). Mostly it was just funny.
I didn't get custom shirts made, but you can do reasonably-priced iron-on transfers and plain shirts/tanks from Target/H&M/Forever 21/etc. You can also have shirts printed with your saying/logo, but it's hard to get these for cheaper than like $25 a shirt. Another bach group I planned for last year enjoyed non-custom Rose All Day shirts we got from Amazon, but I feel like my Canandaigua group appreciated the fact that I didn't make them wear specific clothes.
I also gave guests individual Drinkwel vitamin packs (avail on Amazon and Drinkwel.com), ring pops (10-pack from Party City) and "she said yaas" plastic cups (from Amazon) that I put customized labels (from Etsy) on. Getting custom labels is cheaper than getting custom cups. We didn't take these to the winery (I doubt they'd pour in them), and we didn't end up doing as much drinking out of them on Fri & Sat nights as I'd expected. Ah well, they were cute. We used similar ones a lot more at a bach I planned in Vegas.
SCHEDULE OF ACTIVITIES
On Friday, the overnight guests showed up, we ordered takeout, had some drinks and played Heads Up (a phone app guessing game). This might sound tame, but it was fun and ensured we weren't hungover on Saturday! I had looked into other activities - a cooking class at New York Wine and Culinary Center, a boat rental, a paint and wine session with Hope in Arts Studio - but ultimately decided we shouldn't spend more money. This was never going to be a stripper kind of party, but I am a little sad my Google search for "Canandaigua hot Italian private chef who will come make pasta" did not yield results.
On Saturday, we made eggs, bacon & bagels. Note: rentals generally provide things like salt, pepper, hand soap, toilet paper, etc., but they don't always have shampoo, body wash, coffee, coffee filters, etc. the way hotels do.
Then the day-only guests arrived. We hired a limo bus from Luxury Limos in Hornell to drive us around. It cost $899 for 8 hours plus gratuity, and a $200 deposit was required ahead of time. Ultimately it was worth it so nobody had to drive and because UbeLyft/taxis are not ubiquitous in small towns. Our limo driver was awesome and always on time.
WARNING: many Finger Lakes wineries BAN large groups or have strict rules (I think they've gotten sick of rowdy groups). Most wineries require reservations for large groups; some ban any groups with limos/party buses; some will only allow groups before a certain time, like 12 pm - who the F wants to drink wine at 10am? I mean mimosas yes...But basically they're trying to make sure you show up when you aren't sloppy drunk yet. Read websites carefully and don't expect that you can just show up at wineries in a big group. We opted for quality over quantity and just went to 2 wineries so we wouldn't feel rushed. We also didn't want our day-only guests to get super wasted and then drive home.
We first went to Ventosa Vineyards. We did a tasting ($5 per person) and then went onto their patio overlooking the vineyards and lake - gorgeous. But their customer service is not the best. We had booked their catered lunch package ahead of time, but they were disorganized - sent us to the wrong table, forgot our chips, tried to give us soda we said we didn't want, etc. The food was actually delicious, but at the end, the employee had to manually add our items to the cash register for 15 minutes. And they told us at the tasting, "you get to take the wine glasses home" and then charged us each $5 for that later. They also tried to charge for the soda. Yikes all around. I would still recommend its food, tasting and view, though.
Second, we visited Heron Hill Winery (Canandaigua location). It is VERY different from Venotsa - more rustic and homey. Downstairs at a seated table, our guide gave us lots of good info & grapey grape. We could have stayed on the lawn after for live music, but my sis wasn't feeling it. Instead, she drunkenly bought a ton of $5 pairs of earrings in the gift shop. Her bridesmaid yelling, "I can buy my own pair of $5 earrings!!" was one of the weekend's funniest moments.
WINE SNOBS: Upstate NY is known for Riesling and sweet whites, since its climate is similar to that of Germany and Austria. If you're a red lover, you're going to be disappointed. But if you appreciate what the region does best, it's great!
Then we went back to the rental, where I unveiled some big inflatable pickles from Amazon since my sister's nickname for her FH is Pickles (his online dating photo was of him and the pickles he'd recently canned). As someone who isn't into plastic penis bach stuff, I did appreciate the less graphic double entendre. We took some dumb photos, then I had everyone fill out a mad-lib I created (DM me if you want the mad-lib - you could customize it for someone else.) I read them all out loud, had my sis pick her favorite and gave the winning writer a prize of cocktail-flavored jelly beans.
A couple guests left, and the rest of us went to Twisted Rail Brewing for dinner. It's right on the lake and has patio seating as well as an upstairs room, but given their pretty website and menu, we were surprised to discover that it's not actually a restaurant. We had to carry our beer upstairs, go back down when our food was ready, etc. They also didn't reserve any particular table for us even after making it seem like we had a reservation via email and their website form. Ultimately it was fine - the food, beer and view were good - it just wasn't what we had expected. In small towns, you tend to either get a white-tablecloth restaurant where parents take their kids after college graduation or a dive bar with fried food. OH WELL. We took drunk selfies near the lake at sunset then had the limo bus drive us 10 feet to Starbucks, where my sister bought every cake pop she could find. LIKE YOU DO.
We then went back to the rental and had some sangria, but people got pooped quickly. I think we were in bed by 11, but don't judge us elder millennials! Day drinking can take a lot out of you, man. You may not need as many bach activities as you think!
IN CONCLUSION
Everyone got along, and my sis said she had a lot of fun (the most important thing!), so I think it was a success!

Mercyhurst University (MU)
Atlantic Hockey Association (AHC)
Year Founded: 1926
Location: Erie, Pennsylvania
Enrollment: 2,573
Total Attendance: 16,958 (942 average) – 54th place
Nickname: Lakers
With Mercyhurst located on Lake Erie, the nickname "Lakers" seemed the perfect fit. A "Laker" is a fisherman who has the skill, tenacity, and resourcefulness to meet the challenge of life on the water.
Live Mascot: Luke the Laker
Luke the Laker was introduced at the beginning of this year after the old mascot, Louie the Laker "passed away." Due to flooding in the Carolyn Herrmann Student Union last semester Louie's costume was destroyed. According to his backstory, Luke is the nephew of his dearly-departed Uncle Louie. He grew up on Lower Baggot Street in Dublin, Ireland, and was a fisherman on the Irish Sea until the time came for him to sail to Erie to take Louie's place. Luke has a tattoo of an anchor and the number 94 in roman numerals on his arm. This is a tribute to his predecessor, the original Mercyhurst mascot the Old Man in the Sea, born in 1994. The Old Man in the Sea was followed by Louie and now Luke.
Luke even has his own twitter account @LuketheLaker
Uniforms
Band: The Green and White Pep Band
Mercyhurst did not have a band in any capacity until 2012 when Athletic Director Joe Kimball began to invite opposing teams' bands to perform. This spurred the university to create its own band for athletic and academic events.
Fight Song: "'Hurst Fight Song" (set to the tune of "Anchors Aweigh"

Go for it Lakers
Fight for the Hurst
Show us the spirit
that has always made you first
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Win for the Blue and Green
Bring home the game
Look for the lights that burn
forever in the hall of Old Main

Alma Mater:

We hail our college Alma Mater
The 'Hurst that's stood upon the hill,
With love for all she has taught us,
Traditions that we carry still
Old Main stands for the future,
The opportunity,
To seize each moment of the future
Awaiting you and me!
The gates stand always open
The trees stand silent all around,
For when we come to Mercyhurst,
There's no better to be found.

Arena: The Mercyhurst Ice Center (MIC)
Exterior Interior
The MIC is a 35,280 square foot arena built in 1991 for $1.4 million. Prior to the construction of the Mercyhurst Ice Center, the men's team was affectionately known as the "Boys on the Bus," playing almost all of their games on the road and practicing at the crack of dawn at public rinks. In their third year of varsity play, the team played 27 out of 33 games at out-of-town arenas. Due to their rise in prominence at the Division III level, the Mercyhurst board of trustees directed college officials either to build a rink or to abandon the sport. In a unique funding arrangement, Mercyhurst students agreed to pay for the ice center through a $56 increase in their annual building assessment fee. The money generates $80,000 each year and will retire the school-backed bond in 2021.
On December 8, 1991, the Mercyhurst Ice Center opened for business. The Lakers' first game in the new arena was against RIT. Unfortunately, the Lakers lost 5-4.
In 2007 the university spent $175,000 for improvements to the facility. In early 2015 Mercyhurst, along with First Niagara Bank, announced an estimated $300,000 renovation. Currently, the arena has a capacity of 1,500, making it the 5th smallest arena in Division I men's hockey. However, the planned renovations were not only to overhaul the lobby, but also increase its capacity.
Town Information: Originally occupied by the Six Nations of the Iroquois Confederacy and the Seneca Nation, Erie was settled by the French in 1753. Building Fort Presque Isle near the present day city center, the French would abandon their post a mere seven years later. It was subsequently taken over by British forces until 1763 when the Seven Years War ended.
The city emerged as a maritime center after the American Revolution, then as a railroad hub during the great American westward expansion. Erie became an important city for iron and steel manufacturing during the Industrial Revolution and thrived well into the 20th century with big industry. Today, over 10 percent of the USA's plastics are manufactured or finished in Erie-based plastics plants. The city is an emerging center for biofuels and environmental research, producing over 45 million U.S. gallons of biofuel a year.
Erie sits in what would was a disputed triangle of land that was claimed by New York, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, and Massachusetts. In 1792, after all but Pennsylvania released their claims to the land, it officially became a part of the state. That's why Pennsylvania has the funny little horn in its top left corner. Present day Erie sits almost directly between Cleveland, Buffalo, and Pittsburgh. Most of the cityscape includes renovated and refurbished factory buildings, mid-rise housing, single family homes, and office buildings.
Check out Visit Erie for more about activities around the city.
First Season: 1999 was the first season for Division I hockey. The Lakers spent five years in Division III (1987-1992) and seven years in Division II (1992-99).
Former Athletic Director John Leisering, at the urging of faculty member Dr. Bob Cisek, sold the idea of elevating Mercyhurst's club hockey program to the board of trustees in 1987. Fred Lane was named head coach for the inaugural season of Laker hockey that year. His Laker team went 16-7 playing a composite schedule made up of club teams and Division III programs. Lane, however, did not want to quit his first job with the Erie Water Works, and at the beginning of 1988 Rick Gotkin was brought in from RPI. Gotkin's first team went 11-16-1 playing a vast majority of their games on the road.
All-time Record: 488-346-69 (306-242-61 in Division I)
Championships: 0
Frozen Four Appearances: 1993 (DII), 1995 (DII)
Tournament Appearances: 1991 (DIII), 1993 (DII), 1995 (DII), 2001, 2003, 2005
Conference Titles: 2001 (Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference tournament), 2002 (MAAC regular season) 2003 (MAAC regular season and tournament), 2005
Rivals
Robert Morris Like kissing your sister, the Lakers series has almost as many ties (8) as victories (10) over conference foe RMU in the series between the programs. Although RMU started varsity hockey in 2004 the two teams would not meet on a regular basis until the 2010 season, owing to the fact that RMU played in the rival CHA conference (which has since folded). The back and forth nature of the in-state rivalry came to a head last year as the Lakers downed the No. 1 overall seed Colonials in the AHC semifinals, dashing any hopes of a repeat champion.
Canisius Dating back to their days as Division III opponents in the ECAC West, Mercyhurst holds a 40-32-10 all-time advantage over the Golden Griffins from Buffalo. However, Canisius has begun to turn the series, owning an 8-3-1 mark against the Lakers in the last 12 contests. The rivalry had its biggest game when Canisius won its first Atlantic Hockey title over the Lakers in 2013. In the 2014 AHC semifinals the Griffs again topped the Lakers in double-overtime, securing a 5-4 victory and a spot in the championship game against the aforementioned Colonials.
Honorable mention: Air Force, Niagara, RIT.
2014-2015 Season
Record: 19-16-4 (14-10-3)
Coach: Rick Gotkin
2014-2015 Roster
Season Summary
Last season ended with heartbreak and thoughts on what could have been. After winning the regular season AHC title in 2014, the team failed to make the conference final. Yet, despite a slew of injuries the Lakers made it all the way to the Atlantic Hockey championship game in 2015. There, they fell to an upset-minded RIT squad that later sent No. 1-seeded Minnesota-Mankato packing from the NCAA tournament. Despite the loss in the championship game the season has to be viewed as a success because how they got there: A split with then-No.4 Colgate in November, a loss and a tie with Ohio State in the Snowtown Throwdown, and a split with rival Robert Morris. Mercyhurst, however, could never solve the riddles of Canisius or RIT, going a combined 0-5-1 against the two in conference play.
Ending the season on a down note the Lakers entered the playoffs as the 5th seed. The opening round series against Bentley would go to the third and deciding game where Nardo Nagtzaam scored the series winning goal with 5.5 seconds left on the clock. The Falcons took an early 2-0 lead, but the Lakers battled back for three unanswered goals and the win.
In Rochester the Lakers met Robert Morris in the semifinals where they upset the favored Colonials thanks to a stellar performance by freshman goaltender Brandon Wildung. His performance, coupled with Zac Frischmon's goal at the 3:04 mark of overtime lifted the Lakers to a 4-3 come-from-behind victory. With the game tied late in the third period Wildung was pulled and Chris Bodo buried a shot with 35.5 seconds left to force overtime. The next night the Lakers would not fare as well, falling to RIT 1-5.
2015-2016 Season Schedule
Drafted Players on Roster: 0
Key Games

• Oct. 16-18 at Michigan: The Lakers visit Yost Arena to take on the big boys from the Big Ten. With Wolverines returning a majority of their roster from last year's team these games have the potential to be ugly. The games should be a good test for a young Mercyhurst squad.
• Nov. 6-7 vs Air Force: Air Force and Mercyhurst games always seem to get chippy and this two game set will probably be more of the same. The Falcons and the Lakers split their series last season.
• Jan. 2-3 vs Rochester Institute of Technology: A home-and-home series with perennial AHC power and reigning conference champion RIT. The Polisseni Center will either be rocking or it may be a bit empty since RIT's winter break ends on January 2nd.

Players to Watch

• Brandon Wildung, Goalie, Sophomore: When reigning Atlantic Hockey Player of the Year Jimmy Sarjeant re-aggravated a hernia in January, Wildung jumped into the fire. Against RIT and Bentley he had back-to-back 40 save games, going 1-1. Facing Robert Morris in the in the AHC semifinals, he stopped a career-high 59 shots, but faltered the next day against RIT in the final. He finished the season with a 11-10-3 record, a 2.58 goals-against average, and a .924 save percentage. He was also named to the Atlantic Hockey's All-Academic Team. As he goes, the teams goes. His mask is nifty, too.
• Jack Riley, Forward, R-Sophomore: The son of Army head coach Brian Riley, Jack returned to the ice after hip injuries derailed what was to be his freshman season. He rebounded to score nine goals, and added 15 assists for 24 points last winter. From Dec. 6 through Jan. 13 he had an eight-game scoring streak with two four point games: Dec. 6 vs Army (2g, 2a) and Jan. 9 vs Sacred Heart (1g, 3a). He was named to Atlantic Hockey's All-Rookie team for his efforts.
• Anthony Mastrodicasa, Defenseman, Senior: One of only three seniors on the team, Mastrodicasa will likely be the captain for this season. Playing in all but one Laker game last year netted him 20 points (4g, 16a), including two 3-point games: Oct. 24 against Merrimack (1g 2a) and Dec. 13 against Robert Morris (2g 1a). He was also named to Atlantic Hockey's All-Academic Team.

Mercyhurst History
Greatest Players:

• Gary Bowles, Goalie: "Bubba" Bowles was the first goalie in program history. During his four years, Mercyhurst went a combined 64-44-6. He still holds the records for most wins (56), most minutes played (5627:55), and most games played (101). He was the goaltender of record when the Lakers won their first playoff game, a 5-4 triumph at Elmira March 8, 1991. He was chosen as team captain in both his junior and senior seasons, and played in 101 of 114 games in his four years. Of those 114 games, only 35 were played in Erie.
• Scott Burfoot, Forward: He set nearly every team-scoring record during his career, including most goals, points and assists. In his junior year, 1990-91, Burfoot led all college/university players in points with 96. He finished with a career mark of 290 points, a school record that will probably never be broken. Twice named ECAC West Player of the Year, 1990-91 and 1991-92, he continued his brilliance on the ice as a member of the Erie Panthers, leading the East Coast Hockey League in points in 1994-95. He currently holds two NCAA Division III records: most short-handed goals in a season (10), and most short-handed goals in a career (25).
• Jamie Hunt, Defense: The only Laker ever to play in the NHL, the undrafted Hunt suited up for the Washington Capitals for a single game on Dec. 29, 2006 against the Devils. At Mercyhurst he was an offensive defenseman, capping off his senior season by leading all Atlantic Hockey defensemen in scoring with 45 points. Playing just three years at Mercyhurst, Hunt totaled 81 points (20 goals, 61 assists) and a plus/minus rating of +34.
• Honorable mention: Peter Aubry, Cullen Eddy, Troy Winch

Tomorrow is the big day everyone, can you believe it's finally happening? The future of Atlanta and US soccer starts now...but in order to fully appreciate our future, we must understand our past.
I've been saving this article for a while now, it's a like wild ride in a time machine for me. It's about being on the road with the Silverbacks when they were playing in the USL A-League back in 2002. It's extra special to me because it's from a time and place where my soccer playing/fandom really got going. I've met almost everyone named in here and I'm pretty sure that I've been to every Atlanta location named in this story over the coarse of my life - even the Team HQ and Slocum's (now Nemo's on 141).
So before we totally move into the future tomorrow - I just want to share this and my appreciation for the old school Silverbacks and the sacrifices they made for the game. I probably wouldn't be all that into soccer if it wasn't for them.

Futbol in A minor: LONG BUS RIDES, SMALL CROWDS AND LOW PAY, BUT SILVERBACKS PLAY FOR LOVE OF THE GAME
Ken Sugiura - Staff http://www.accessatlanta.com/
Sunday, June 30, 2002
Jason Annicchero knew it was time to find a new job when he started getting his salary in cash from a Chevrolet Suburban in a restaurant parking lot.
Annicchero left his job --- defender, California Condors --- and went to the Seattle Sounders, although not before confirming he would get paid by check. Two seasons later he switched teams again, to the San Diego Flash.
On paydays in San Diego, players were often told to wait three or four days to deposit their paychecks. They joked about racing one another to the bank. But at least the weather was nice.
"It's funny what you go through just to play," Annicchero said.
So last year he left San Diego and joined the Atlanta Silverbacks for the money, in the sense that the Silverbacks actually had some of it.
That's how Annicchero got here. He is fast becoming a lifer in the A-League, perhaps one of the most anonymous professional soccer leagues on earth. It is made up of 18 teams that have loose affiliations with Major League Soccer clubs, though they don't serve as a farm system. The Silverbacks borrow and lend players with the Dallas Burn and New York/New Jersey MetroStars.
Actually, the A-League is at the top of something called United Soccer Leagues, which also includes two semipro leagues, a women's league and a youth league. In reference to the A-League, the USL prefers "Division II" to minor league. Whatever it is, in Atlanta it's a struggling sports franchise.
Annicchero ("It's second division minor league") and his 20 teammates live in a city where their major league counterparts --- the Braves, Falcons, Thrashers and Hawks --- make millions and live in enormous homes, and they do not. They have come from across the country, Europe and the Caribbean. Everyone has a story.
The coach, Brett Mosen, fell into his line of work after he moved from England with his first wife. Because he was English, people kept asking him if he could coach. Turned out he could.
Some guys are chasing dreams, others hanging on and savoring this prolonged adolescence of playing games, riding buses and easy camaraderie. No enormous homes, but no enormous egos, either.
"At the end of the day, if I look, we do a great thing," says Ryan Leib, a 29-year-old midfielder who supplements his income as a sales rep for a soccer outfitter. "What we do for a living is a great thing. There's a lot worse jobs out there."
FRIDAY, JUNE 7
DeKalb Memorial Stadium, Clarkston
About 20 minutes remain before kickoff, and you can just about count the fans at DeKalb Memorial Stadium.
The Silverbacks' locker room --- a bare room no more than 15 paces across --- is a mixture of tension and laughter, depending on which corner you're in.
Just before game time, the 11 starters gather outside the locker room. The crowd has grown some but not much.
"They're packing it in tonight," says one player.
One by one, the starters come jogging onto the field as they are introduced to applause best described as "polite."
From the moment it begins, the game has a soundtrack, thanks to the Silverbackers. They are a die-hard band of fans, drums in hand, pounding relentlessly. Kurt Braunsroth is one of them. His bass drum is signed by U.S. World Cuppers Clint Mathis, Josh Wolff and Landon Donovan.
Braunsroth has soccer fever --- bad. For their honeymoon, he and his wife, Kim, went to a World Cup qualifying match.
In Columbus, Ohio.
In February.
Braunsroth and his pals keep the life in this place. When they take a break, it gets quiet enough to hear the shouts of players on the field.

The Silverbacks are in their fourth season and struggling at the gate. While the team averaged 1,751 last year, the numbers were inflated by free tickets. There are no freebies this year, and tonight fewer than 1,000 fans are here. The stadium is at Georgia Perimeter College's Clarkston campus just outside the eastern arc of I-285, not exactly a central location for the suburban soccer hotbeds. The facility, built in the 1960s as a concrete-bleachered tribute to utilitarianism (capacity: 15,000; backrests: 0), isn't exactly a draw, either.
But the Silverbacks, in their second season under new ownership, have turned things over. They hired a new coach, Mosen. Eighteen of the 21 players are new, many culled from the A-League's powerhouses.
The team is also working a new marketing tack, going after the young adult male demographic. This is the rationale: There are a lot of former soccer players out there. Chances are, they would pay $15 to see the game played at a professional men's level.
Team president Stephen Pratten grew up in England and played his college ball at Columbia University. Owner Boris Jerkunica was born in Croatia, and his family moved to Atlanta when he was 9. They know that around the world, men fill the stadiums, drinking beer and singing songs. That's what they want to create.
To reach their target audience, the team hired Steve Rickman, aka "Southside Steve," the sidekick on the "Regular Guys" morning radio show on 96 Rock, to be its PA announcer.
Rickman earnestly wants the team to succeed, and he goes about it in his own way. A Journal-Constitution photographer is at the game. Rickman asks the crowd to give him "a big round of applause," and then gets on his soapbox.
"Between the AJC and Star 94" --- two companies owned by the Beat's parent company, Cox Enterprises, that some perceive to be cross-promoting --- "I've had enough of the Beat!"
Almost as if on cue, Marci Miller and Lisa Krzykowski from the Atlanta Beat emerge from a stadium portal into the stands.
You may or may not want it, but you probably won't get this at Turner Field.
SATURDAY, JUNE 8
Charlotte, UNC-Charlotte TransAmerica Field
The Silverbacks are making their getaway, quite literally, after having robbed the Charlotte Eagles. Rookie midfielder Jordy Broder bent a free kick past the Charlotte goalkeeper early in the second half on just about the only decent chance the Silverbacks had all night. Keeper Cole Burgman then withstands a barrage of Charlotte chances. The Silverbacks win 1-0.
In the bus, defender Judah Cooks is standing up in his seat, yammering about the Chamblee apartment complex where most of the players live. Apparently, Burgman's stellar game performance offers him no immunity from Cooks' barbs.
"We got this crazy girl who Cole hangs out with," Cooks says. (Implicating friends in relationships with girls --- fifth-graders find this funny. It works here, too.)
"She wants to have neighborhood Twister," Cooks continues. "She and Cole are working out the details."
Burgman looks to Philippe Godoy for help. He knows the girl, right? Godoy, the midfielder from Grenoble, France, wants no part of Burgman's grief.
"Yeah, but eet's not my deal. Ees your deal, eh?" he says, and the bus roars in laughter.
Everyone is in a good mood. The team is 9-2 and has the most points in the league. They have just won a game in which they weren't at their best. Now they're headed back to the Hampton Inn hotel and off to a nearby Hooters for the Mike Tyson-Lennox Lewis fight. It's a good time to be a Silverback.
MONDAY, JUNE 10
Buckhead, International House of Pancakes
It's after the team's weekly spinning class at Crunch Fitness, and a half-dozen or so players are taking in a brunch of pancakes and omelettes.
The group is rehashing the U.S. tie against South Korea in the World Cup early that morning. They are particularly concerned with defender Jeff Agoos, who has been disastrous in the Americans' first two games. They fear Agoos --- "Goose" in soccer circles --- is going to end up costing the U.S.
It matters to them not just for reasons of national pride. A strong World Cup run will lift the status and increase opportunities for every American player.
"They don't understand," says defender Alan Woods. "It trickles down to all of us."
Cooks leans back, resigned, but always ready with an opinion. "They gotta take out Goose."
TUESDAY, JUNE 11
Dunwoody, Georgia Perimeter College
How good is this team?
Let's ask Velko Iotov, the striker from Bulgaria. Iotov played for Bulgaria's fourth-place World Cup team in 1994 and has played in the top Spanish and Argentine leagues. Iotov says he thinks three players --- midfielder Carlos Parra and defenders Gilbert Jean-Baptiste and Woods --- could play in Europe. Maybe a couple more.
Cooks and Parra played for U.S. junior national teams alongside eventual World Cup team members. Both also have played in MLS with Woods. Akin has played in Argentina. Jean-Baptiste (Haiti), defender Carl Fletcher (Canada) and John Barry Nusum (Bermuda) play for their national teams.
Lounging after the daily morning practice at the Dunwoody campus, Iotov says he has a hard time explaining the A-League to his family and friends in Bulgaria. It's just different. In Argentina, for instance, he played before tens of thousands. Fans and reporters demanded answers when the team lost.
Here, he plays before hundreds who demand, at most, an autograph.
"I'm just trying to explain how it looks like, but they have to live and practice and play games to understand better," he says. "Everyone I'm telling, 'Truly, it's not bad.' "
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 12
Dunwoody, Georgia Perimeter College
Practice has finished. There are no locker rooms, just a field and a couple of benches, and right now the players are seated on those benches, unwrapping taped ankles and icing down.
It isn't long before Iggy Moleka pipes up. It is virtually impossible to not like Moleka, born in what is now Congo (formerly Zaire) and raised in Belgium. He has the same good nature and gravelly accent as another former local athlete of note who is also a countryman of Moleka's, Dikembe Mutombo.
The lone remaining original Silverback, Moleka, 31, easily blends the roles of team sage, class clown and put-upon old man. Moleka is retiring after the season --- he is also the director of coaching for the Stars Soccer Club in Alpharetta --- and is relishing his remaining time with the team.
Iggy on Broder, who broke his nose in practice: "Good. Finally, he's a man."
Iggy on midfielder Steve Kraemer's offer to sell his television: "I will buy it for $100. If you don't sell it to me, I'll shoot you."
Iggy on deodorant: "If you're a team player, you buy spray because you know people are going to use it."

Fletcher did not practice today. He injured his hamstring against Charlotte and won't make the upcoming trip to Rochester and Pittsburgh. But it might give him more time for his hobby.
Fletcher loves to drive. He drove down from his native Toronto to make sure he could get around, unlike some of his teammates, who depend on guys like Fletcher for rides. He often gets in his aging Ford Contour and drives past the huge Dunwoody homes near the practice facility. He calls it house watching.
Fletcher, as well as most of his teammates, lives in an apartment complex where the team receives a discount on rent in exchange for advertising in the program and at the stadium. Off Peachtree Industrial Boulevard just inside the Perimeter, it is a bland cluster of apartments, the kind that are everywhere around Atlanta. Not much house watching to do there.
"House watching, then I'll go to a gas station and pick up a lottery ticket," he says.
Fletcher has another jackpot he wants to hit: a job in Europe. He is 30 and knows it's unlikely. But he hopes. An A-Leaguer for eight seasons and a member of the Canadian national team, Fletcher has gone to Europe several times to try out with various clubs. He has yet to stick.
Almost everyone on the team holds hopes beyond the A-League. Parra, the midfielder, also wants to make it in Europe. Burgman, the keeper, has paid his way to Europe three times trying to turn the right head. He'll go again after this season. Cooks, the defender, wants to get back onto the U.S. national team scene.
Fletcher says he's received a lot from the game already. If his career ends without a season in Europe, that will be OK.
But he keeps hold of his dream.
"At least one season before I'm finished with my career," Fletcher says. "It hasn't panned out that way so far. Maybe things might change."

Norcross, Slocum's Tavern and Grille
At a booth next to a window, Kraemer is laying it all out. He can't go on playing with his current contract.
You've heard it before. The difference is, Kraemer is tethered to reality, unlike Patrick Ewing's hallucinatory declaration a few years back during the NBA lockout that, "We're fighting for our lives."
"If I don't start making more money, I gotta stop," Kraemer says. "It sucks to say that, but that's just life."
The Silverbacks' salaries range from about $1,600 to $4,500 a month, and Kraemer, 25, and in his fifth A-League season, is at the southern end. The vast majority are paid only during the six months of the season (April-September). Most players find coaching jobs in the offseason. Kraemer went home to New Mexico and got a job on a construction crew, "banging a hammer in the snow."
Camp gigs during the season help. The Silverbacks pay players $50 to spend a few hours a day at the team's camps. After one recent appearance on a sweltering afternoon, Kraemer said he was again reminded why he would never have children.
"I just wish all the billionaires in the world would have teams," he muses. "Where's Ted Turner when you need him?"
Kraemer isn't exactly destitute. He admits it's not a bad life if you don't have to support a family. The Silverbacks train two hours in the morning and have the rest of the day free --- "I can take a two-hour nap in the middle of the day," he says. Kraemer, and his roommate, deefender James Wall, often take advantage of free golf privileges at a nearby course.
And he's doing what he has wanted to do since he was a toddler in Kenya, the son of Peace Corps volunteers.
"We got one channel in Africa and we watched soccer games on it," Kraemer says. "There were thousands of people cheering. It was the greatest thing I'd ever seen."
But Kraemer hears the rest of his life calling. He is thinking about teaching or law school. He has lived in four different cities in five seasons. He broke up with his girlfriend of five years because, he says, "I'm still trying to do this." He says that happens a lot in the A-League.
THURSDAY, JUNE 13
Norcross, Silverbacks team office
There's a lot of great things about being Boris Jerkunica. For one thing, you get to live in a house on the Chattahoochee that has a small soccer field in the basement. For another, you get to tool around in a custom 350-horsepower Mercedes.
And because you jumped out of the Internet industry at just the right time, you get to drop conversation phrases like "I already did the $100 million thing" as easily as others might say, "I already ate lunch."
And you get to combine the two things you know --- business and soccer --- and try to make them work together.
After popping into the team office, Jerkunica, 35, pilots his Benz to a nearby Applebee's where he explains how that's going to happen with the Silverbacks, the team he has owned for the past two years. Born in Croatia, he starred at Druid Hills and then at Emory, where he still owns the career scoring and assists records.
Jerkunica founded Netzip, an Atlanta-based Internet software maker, and in 2000 sold it for $268 million. He spent a nice chunk of it (though he won't divulge how much) on the team. More notably, he bought a deserted parking lot and stand of trees that is practically in the shadow of Spaghetti Junction, a 20-acre plot that used to be a drive-in theater. By 2004, Jerkunica plans to have a 5,000-seat stadium with three additional fields.
"I just can't see the attendance staying at 1,000, especially with the location of Spaghetti Junction," he says.
There's more. Jerkunica envisions a club based on the European model --- where the club cultivates future talent in its own youth clubs. The grounds also will include a swimming pool and a clubhouse for what team president Pratten calls "a golf club, except for soccer."
Pratten and Jerkunica, who met playing on an amateur team, are convinced it will work, and both are committed long-term. Jerkunica calls it a 40-year plan. Yes, forty.
But first, he just needs to get people in the stands. The team has roughly pegged an average attendance of 6,000 fans as the break-even point. Through their first nine dates, the Silverbacks drew an average of 983 fans, meaning the club fell 45,153 bodies short of the ledger's black line. Multiply that by the $15 ticket price, and you've got losses of $675,000. And there's still almost half a season left.
"It can be pretty frustrating," Jerkunica says. "You get 1,000 people out. You talk to people and they say, 'I guess I'll come.' "
Not the reaction you would want to your multimillion dollar investment. So maybe it isn't always great to be Boris Jerkunica, who repeats the lukewarm response, aghast.
" 'I guess I'll come'?"
FRIDAY, JUNE 14
Charlotte Douglas International Airport
The Silverbacks' day begins before 5 a.m., when they get up to catch US Air Flight 1036 to Rochester, N.Y., where they will play the defending league champions that night. The 7:30 a.m. flight has a layover in Charlotte.
This weekend will combine two of the most unpleasant aspects of A-League life, the travel and back-to-back games. Teams rarely fly or drive the day before a game to save on lodging costs, so they have to do things like get up before dawn to play games that night. Fletcher says his hamstring injury in Charlotte stemmed in part from pushing his body to the max after tightening up on a bus for about four hours.
After tonight's game in western New York, they'll play Saturday in Pittsburgh, 300 miles away. The A-League might be the only pro soccer league in the world that plays back-to-back games. Half of the Silverbacks' 28 are on back-to-back nights.
After the team lands in Charlotte, players and coaches crowd into an airport bar for the second half of the U.S.-Poland World Cup game from South Korea. As feared, Agoos starts and is a big reason why the Americans are trailing 2-0. When Poland goes up 3-0, attention switches to the South Korea-Portugal game. The Silverbacks, and the rest of the bar, erupt when the Koreans score a late goal that beats Portugal and gets the U.S. into the second round. When the final whistle blows, handshakes and relief are found in equal measure.
It trickles down to them all.

Rochester, Frontier Field
Frontier Field is the best and worst of the A-League.
It's the best because the Rhinos are the only team that draws more than a couple of thousand fans. They've drawn more than 14,000 in the past and on this night draw 9,958. The Silverbacks don't hide their excitement.
"There were more people waiting to get in [before the gates opened] than there are at our games," says forward Jamel Mitchell, who played for the Rhinos last year. "You definitely miss that."
"You definitely play better in front of a big crowd," midfielder Brian Piesner confirms.
It's the worst because the field is a mess. The Rhinos share Frontier Field with a minor league baseball team, and lay strips of sod over the infield dirt, pitcher's mound and the warning track in left field.
The turf, loose and uneven, hovers at least three inches above the rest of the field. The cracks between the strips beg for an ankle to twist.
"What the hell?" a confused Annicchero asks, as he walks onto the field for the first time. After six years in this league, he is not entirely surprised. "Welcome to the A-League, baby."

At halftime, Mosen tells Kraemer that he will be replaced in the second half. The move blindsides Kraemer, who heads for the showers. After the players return to the field and the locker room has emptied out, Kraemer unleashes a primal scream of an obscenity.
No, he's not in it for the money.
SATURDAY, JUNE 15
Rochester, Sheraton hotel
It's 9:30 a.m. and time to hit the road. The Silverbacks, who lost 2-1 the night before when an apparent goal was nullified, play the Pittsburgh Riverhounds at 7:35 tonight. They pile into four minivans --- just like many of them did as 8-year-olds --- and head off.
As they leave dreary, overcast Rochester behind, Moleka says he is glad he doesn't live there.
If he did, he says wearily, "I'd be miserable. I'd be beating people up on the street for fun."
Moleka uses the time --- it's a five-plus hour drive --- to attend to his other job. He's working his cell phone, checking up on tryout schedules and handling club politics with his own unique touch.
"If he's not good, he's not good," Moleka tells a soccer mom, who you have to think is listening horrified at the other end of the line. "What am I going to tell you, that he's good?"
As the convoy rolls past small towns and vineyards, Moleka is perking up.
"You know how great this is?" he asks Parra and equipment manager Robert Holdaway, who is behind the wheel. "We're going to go down there, win the game, go out and eat --- some of you will drink --- then we go back to the hotel and watch the U.S. game. That's a great day."
Moleka is told the U.S. doesn't play its World Cup game until Monday.
"Oh," he says, his good humor derailing. "That's whack. That's not a good day at all."

A McDonald's somewhere between Rochester and Pittsburgh.
A lunch stop. Some are less than enthused that their pre-game meal is going to be starch and grease.
Others are giving Cooks a hard time. Driving one of the minivans, he blew through the last toll booth, leaving Holdaway, following in the next car, to pay for him.
It's hard to tell how much of it is an act, but Cooks is indignant over his driving duties, to say nothing of having to pay the tolls. It might be a staple of A-League life, but think about it: Can you imagine Michael Vick behind the wheel of a minivan at the crack of dawn on a Sunday, driving his offensive line up to Charlotte for a game against the Panthers?

Bethel Park High School, Bethel Park, Pa.
Moleka's assessment --- "That's not a good day at all" --- is only too accurate.
Somehow, the Silverbacks are behind 2-1 at halftime to the Riverhounds, who have won two games all season. They are playing before a crowd generously announced at 1,691 on a high school field so sloped that when the action is on the opposite sideline, you sometimes lose sight of the ball.
And, it is pouring rain.
"Miserable," seethes Woods.
Equipment manager Holdaway enters with two towels for 18 drenched Silverbacks. The griping pours harder than the rain. Holdaway says the Riverhounds only have two towels, too.
"OK, that's the towel situation," says Mosen, hoping that's the final word on the subject.
Lightning and rain delay the start of the second half. After play resumes, more lightning halts the game again. The team stews in the locker room, a shed underneath the stands with no showers and clothing hooks screwed into the walls.
Says Woods, "I'm beginning to hate Pittsburgh with a passion."
The weather finally clears. In the remaining 31 minutes, the Silverbacks play hard but not smart. They give up two more goals, and Woods' ire doesn't begin to match Mosen's in the locker room/shed. He threatens to release anyone who won't follow his instructions and uses a lot of four-letter words.
"I could go on, but I don't want to," he says. "Let's get our bags and get out of here."
SUNDAY, JUNE 16
Atlanta, Hartsfield International Airport
Home, finally. After leaving the hotel for the Pittsburgh airport at 6:45, the Silverbacks return to Atlanta by 11 a.m.
As everyone, bleary-eyed, heads for home and a nap, Annicchero wanders over to the MARTA station, his red equipment bag slung over his shoulder.
Out loud, he wonders just how long he can keep playing. The 31-year-old says he doesn't want to be a 33-year-old playing in the A-League. He wants to have a family some day. He loves the game, but. . .
"It gets to a point, love doesn't pay the bills," he says.
But he then recalls a recent conversation. One night last week, Annicchero's cellphone rang at 2:30 a.m. A former teammate, who had quit last year after finally getting fed up with A-League life, was calling from San Diego.
He found a sales job that employed him year-round, that offered health insurance and plenty of money, with little chance of it being paid in cash in a parking lot.
"He said, 'Jason, I want you to listen,' " Annicchero recalls. " 'Money isn't everything. I'd give anything to be where you're at now.' "
When the heart and the mind are in a tussle, what's a guy to do?
"Those four or five months [of the offseason], you starve for the game. It's like a drug," he says. "Then you beat your body up for six months and then you say, 'What am I doing?' "
THURSDAY, JUNE 20
Norcross, team headquarters
A 1 p.m. bus ride to Charleston. Mosen's wife, Jackie, has made lunch for the team --- turkey sandwiches with chips and candy in plastic baggies. To prep for England's World Cup clash with Brazil early the next day, Mosen is decked out in an England jersey and a goofy two-foot hat bearing St. George's Cross.
Mosen says he sometimes wonders what he's doing here. Mosen is 45 and has seen more of America than most Americans. He moved from London to Richmond, Va., in 1987 after he married an American. He later divorced.
"She didn't like London," he says in his accent, as British as fish and chips. "We moved here, and she didn't like me."
He was talked into coaching after people figured that, as a Brit, he knew the game, which he did. He played at a semipro level, where he said a penchant for red cards kept him from advancing.
Through coaching, he has lived in Knoxville, Nashville, Dallas, Lincoln, Neb., and Virginia Beach.
Mosen, who has since remarried, is in a pretty good spot in Atlanta. He has an owner with money and grand ambitions. Mosen figures his team should make a good run in the A-League playoffs.
Of the future he says, "I think anybody in any line of work is looking to better themselves." But he adds, "Maybe I'm where I need to be."
After the two losses last weekend, the Silverbacks are rolling toward South Carolina after strong practices. They are ready to battle the Charleston Battery, the division leaders. Spirits are again high.
FRIDAY, JUNE 21
Charleston, Blackbaud Stadium
Another trip that ends in frustration. This time, the Silverbacks take a 1-0 second-half lead but lose 2-1 in overtime, their third straight loss.
"Soccer's a funny game," says Leib, the midfielder-sales rep, standing outside the bus. "It's a simple game, yet there's so many things that go on through the course of a game."
Leib hits it on the head. The game can be so simple and so maddening at the same time.
At least one season before I'm finished with my career.
I guess I'll come.
Passion doesn't pay the bills.
Where's Ted Turner when you need him?
The bus rumbles into the Charleston night, heading for Atlanta, about 5 1/2 hours away.
Goals don't come easy.

NOW LETS GO KICK SOME ASS TOMORROW!!!!